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2019, my year was a very bad year for me. I knew that I had over done it 2018 with all the travelling I did. Knowing this could not continue I decided to spend more time at home. My body had also made the same decision, I was so ill for such a long period of time, due to my ongoing chronic condition, rheumatoid arthritis. I also suffered heart break and it took me a long time to heal, as grieving took longer than expected. In the summer, I started to meet up with my friends and they did me the world of good, each month, I saw even older friends and I just loved spending time with them. Then in the autumn more problems with my health. And then more heart break over Christmas again.


From late December to early February I was very ill and spent every day in bed. I am getting fed up with this but there is nothing I can do. My body does not work much with the cold winters we have in the UK. So this month, I just read and read and my favourite author was Angela Marsons, Kim Stone series. I got the first few from the library and then brought the complete set with my Amazon christmas voucher. Such a good writer and amazing stories I enjoyed them so much. I had a trip down to Christchurch for my grandmother’s funeral. But that was all I did.



Still ill but I co hosted my first twitter chat with Euroventure about solo travels. I had done three solo travel trips last year so this was perfect for me. And again I immersed myself in books and Netflix while being ill. We had made plans to celebrate our wedding anniversary but both of us being ill meant it had to be cancelled. The only thing I actually managed to do this month was do my home MOT in order to check where our finances are.



I started the month injecting myself with my last Humira medication and making plans to see friends hoping that I was well enough. My husband and I finally were well enough to go our for our anniversary meal at our favourite Galvin Green Man. This was also the month when one of my beloved cats died unexpected. My black gorgeous boy had an aneurysm, paralysis and could not suddenly walk on his back legs. The vet looked him over, told me he had cold limbs and signs related to congestive heart failure. The kindest thing to do was put him to sleep. But as it hurt so much, we have had him for over fifteen years and he was our boy. He died within ninety minutes.



Grieving is so hard. Losing my cat, my day time companion is so hard. I spent most of this month, decluttering books, films, anything I wanted to get rid off. But I still have so much to do. The one thing I was looking forward to was Avengers Endgame. Over three hours long and I loved it. Found myself crying while watching this the first time. But it was the end of an era.



I catch up with friends and finally went back in to the city centre of Chelmsford and did a little shopping. I had some lovely meals in Prezzo and my old favourite Zen Noodle bar. And I tried a facial something I have not had since my rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis.



This was a busy month. I had my friends birthday, a wedding, a catch up in London with one of my oldest friends who I had not seen in sixteen years, my dad’s 70th birthday. Such a busy time, and I needed some answers from my doctors with my ongoing health issues. Which I did not get unfortunately.



I found another author whose stories I feel in love with. Within a week, I read all twelve books that L J Ross had released. I just enjoyed them so much. And my mum took me to her favourite place Southwold in Suffolk. And I had a lovely catch up when my friend from Newcastle came down.



More health issues, started HRT. Birthday month, its the summer holidays so I went to Southend to eat ice cream and visit the beach with my family. Hospital appointment, when as it was late in the afternoon, my mum and I went to Cambridge in the morning. They only thing we managed and I was surprised to even do this was go punting.



More bad news with my health and will get this confirmed next month. I booked lots of things to do. A tour of White Hart Lanes new football stadium, a return to the Wizarding World Of Harry Potter to see the new exhibits, The Cotswolds, but too ill to return to Buckingham Palace for the summer exhibit on Queen Victoria. I meet one of long term instagram friends in the flesh, and I love her !



First flight of the year to Turkey. Rest and relaxation in the summer was my plans. Meeting Simon Reeve in Colchester was amazing ! But reducing my medication due to my kidney impairment was not an easy thing to do. My inflammation rose higher again. So I am in a difficult position, taking toxic medication that is damaging other organs. Or be in chronic pain for the rest of what time I have left. Leaving me unable to return to work or do much at all.



More health problems with neck inflammation. Back on a steriods test and they work every time, but although the pain goes, the sleeplessness starts as I only sleep for about four hours a night. My husband is not a fan of me being on these. He has said, it is like I am high on drugs. And in a roundabout way, I probably am. And due to all the insomnia I experienced, I read over thirty five books.   I got into the city centre of Chelmsford for a lunch with my best friend.  But that is all. My health problems are getting me down. I also cancelled a planned cruise around the Canary Islands for next year.



A return to Spain with my husband for annual winter trip in the sun. Visiting Malaga, Gibraltar, Cadiz, Jerez De La Frontera and Seville. As lovely as this trip was, it proved to me that I can not travel like this anymore. I can not travel through the airport alone, or even with help of a wheelchair and staff. I just hated it this year and was in so much pain. This trip was more tiring for both of us. So having a long think of what I am going to do in my future. I can not travel any longer without being in pain. And heartbreak again for me at the end of a bad year. But then it got worse. My cat was taken ill, and the vet told us that it was not looking good with a mass in his abdomen. The prospect of losing my cat in the same year as my other one is a scary time. It turned out to be an inoperable liver cancer tumour. After a few talks with our vet, the choice was made to try three rounds of chemotherapy to see how this effected him. However after the second, he took a turn for the worse and was put to sleep. This broke my heart again. How could we possibly lose both our beloved cats in one year ?

My husband and I both agreed, this was the worst year of our lives together. I do not share everything that has happened. But for us, this was one of the worst ones.


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