THINGS I MISS ABOUT MY CATS

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It is with a heavy heart to tell you that my last beloved cat has died. This is a look back and remember the fun we had with both my gorgeous cats even though they both died back in 2019. Losing a family pet is heartbreaking.

Binx

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I had wanted a black cat for such a long time. We got him back in 2004, and he was just perfect. He then got attacked by a fox in 2005, and his personality changed. He turned into a scared cat. We had two cats, and they were brothers. We lost one of them back in 2006. He simply went outside and never came home. I felt so sorry for him. He was on his own and so very fearful of visitors to our home. He only really trusted my husband, me  and lately my mum. She was their carer when we were holiday. I had my dream cat for 14 yrs.  Binx had a system with me,  he would come and tell me when wanted to go outside and then I would walk down to a patio doors to let him out. He spent some time in his later years just sleeping. And that was fine with me. He was one of my support systems when I too was sleeping or spending so much time in bed too.  Binx died unexpected one evening. He was fine, and the next minute, he could not move the back of his body. The front of him worked but the back of him did not. I got him to the vet thanks to my brother in law. It hurt so much when the vet told me there was nothing to be done. I knew I could not keep him alive being paralysed. But to be told in clinical terms, that it would be the best thing to put him to sleep was one of the hardest decision of my life to date. I could not make that decision without my husband. So he was put on inflammation drugs, just waiting for train from London to get in. Within 90 minutes of his paralysis, he was gone.  I never expected this grief, and I just can not stop crying and feeling so sad. I will never forget how small he was when we first got him, his first dead animal offering. We were often give mice, fish and ducklings. Also how mindful he was with our other cat, who is not allowed outside due to being deaf. I will miss that face for the rest of my life. And I was so ill immediately after. I think it was the shock of everything that happened.

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Hiro

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We thought that our older cat needed a companion. We were both working full time and he was lonely. We got him in 2007. Hiro would only sleep on cardboard, rough rug, or a table. He never liked anything soft, like a bed or a cushion. He was so inquisitive and loved people. We also called him two names, tart and little shit. Such a difference to Binx. We did put a cat flap in for our Binx, however Hiro, who is white and deaf and not allowed out figured out how to use it. As soon as Binx came in, Hiro would hold it open and then go outside himself. I never knew that my white cat, could be deaf. I found out much later thanks to the vet. We found the same year that Binx died that Hiro had a growth in his abdomen. Further tests showed this to be liver cancer. This was in a place that meant that surgery was not an option.  Losing him, was very hard for me. I knew if he had to be put down. But we decided to try chemotherapy for three weeks, to see if this would have any effect. This was painful and I was just full of sadness all the time. He was put to sleep straight before New Year after advice from our vet. What I loved about him, at the end he got very needy and always wanted to be with either myself or my husband. I will miss him too for the rest of my life.

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Grief

Grief has no timeline and no boundaries. Everyone grieves differently and for dissimilar lengths of time. Your level of grief may depend on your age and personality, your pet’s age and personality, and the circumstances of your pet’s death, as well as the relationship between you and your animal. For me, it is the worst feeling in the world. I think in Binx case, it was the shock of it all. One minute, he was fine, the next not. In Hiro’s case, I was sad from the moment, we knew what it was. Mentally, I was torn. The sensible side, knew I had to put him to sleep, my heart just did not want too. I loved him so much. To lose both my boys in the same twelve months is heartbreaking for me. There were my daytime companions and I just loved them so much. This magical friendship I have been gifted in this life with this remarkable creatures. It was unconditional love. An unspoken understanding. Complete and utter trust. A connection without words or value or hidden motivations.  Just love. I will miss them both until my dying day. Will I get another cat, I am not sure. In my lifetime, I can not imagine having a cat, as I just love them so much.

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